Tequilología Rules

There are several. I thought we might discuss them here.

1. Tequila is a social drink, meaning it's to be savored with others, not in the privacy of your room, by yourself. It's essence needs to be shared with others, for it to be happy...its raison d'être being fulfilled. Why else would the Mayauel have given it us?

2. But with very few exceptions, you should share your wealth, i.e. a new tequila find, with compas, cuates, and friends. Possible exceptions to be shared with at least one friend, minimum are Herradura Selección Suprema, Rey Sol, Don Julio 1942, Centenario Leyenda, Gran Patrón Burdeos, and a couple of others. The reason for this is obvious, no? They are too expensive for simple acquaintances.

3. Never take tequila from the gun (by volume, in bars, from large hidden-under-the-bar receptacles out of sight from customers) and not from a bottle, as it is destined for desperate folks, or cheap margaritas, vampiros or sunrises, not for the taste buds. This is what they serve you at all inclusive hotels where one price gives room and all the food and drink you can have.

4. Never be desperate for a tequila. You wouldn't rush through a museum, why through 'el líquido de Dios'?

5. If you insist on chasing your tequila with something, it should be a sangrita (bloody little one), a bit like Bloody Mary, which has Worchester sauce, clamato, tomato juice, Tabasco sauce, and ice cubes. This means that chasing a tequila with beer is untequilismo, a tequila cultural crime, or simple put, uncivilized. Lemon and salt chasers are ok, with bad tequilas.

6. If tequila warms your body, it has entered your spirit, shared its essence, becoming one with you. If it has burned your esophagus on its way down, or exploded upon landing in your stomach, you are experiencing bad tequila, and not having a bad experience with tequila.

7. You will not throw away or waste any tequila. I almost did, a few years ago, but have lived to tell about it, while Mayauel (the 400-breasted Aztec Goddess of the maguey) was pleased with my quick thinking. We were in Tío Abel's ranch over in Villa Morelos, near La Manzanilla de la Paz. We had borrowed horses, were happy riding around when, out of the blue, my horse decides to go crazy on me. Well, on the way down, my left hand reflexively grabbed on to something to break my fall. I saw the gush of blood from my left ring finger first, as I was getting up, felt the pang, then went 'aaah...' As I was attempting to stop the blood spray out of my finger, Tío Abel was running after the horse - who could barely run bent over in laughter at having felled the pocho faux macho, mother was on her knees to La Virgen de Guadalupe praying for my soon to be departing soul, our two girls were dumbfoundely attempting to get away from the red spray my bloody finger was spewing out, my wife was silently trying to maintain calm. Finally, control reigned over us, the tourniquet worked, my aaaahs became silent, and we began to worry about infection, not wanting to lose my finger. Hey, out in the Mexican sierra, there is nothing. Luckily, being in México, I always have my back pocket stash of a bottle of tequila, for emergencies, you know. So, the tequila was going to be the disinfectant...good idea. I passed the bottle to mother, and about to pour it on my finger, I yelled out: 'No!' Can you guess why? The pain? Heck no, soy macho. The tequila was going to be wasted after bathing and cleaning my finger! No, couldn't have that. So, I got down on my knees, put the finger above my head, right over my mouth, and mother began to pour, with me drinking it, while it killed the germs.

8. Frozen or cold tequila? Not for my paladar (taste buds). Besides, alcohol can not be frozen.

9. You will slurp the tequila off the table if your clumsy server spills it, because it will not be wasted.

10. You will sacrifice your dignity on behalf of tequilismo.

11. Tequilismo or tequilología are tequila culture.

12. Every effort shall be made to drink your tequila from a jarrito (small hearten cup).

13. Not even on a bad day, will you drink bad tequila.

14. You will be moderate with your tequila intake.

15. You will not drive or have sex - I know, this latter one is a toughie - after having more than 3 shots of tequila.

16. If you're on a tequila tasting trip, no more than three shots, with food in between.

17. When tasting, you will not chug good tequila. It will be done in three sips, appreciating its aroma, its essence, and its way down the hatch.

18. New words that you should use: tequilismo or tequilología, and tequilólogo/a. (which is what you will be if you follow these basic rules)

19. It's ok to give a good friend a trago - caballito (little horsecontainer - shot) of bad tequila, provided you follow it up with a good one. You want him/her to taste the difference.

20. You can't order/touch/smell/taste a second shot before finishing the first one, ever, etc.

21. Training wheels (lemon and salt) are strictly forbidden, especially with good tequila, and those typically include all the reposados and añejos.

22. You will not pucker up your lips, close your eyes, or have a small shaking epileptic seizure upon drinking tequila. Nor will you flap your arms and/or hands as if dying for a breath of fresh air.

23. Never drink from the bottle. Mezcal, ok. Tequila, no.

Do you have any to add to this list? Contact me at machetez@sbcglobal.net. Tequila on!

Yucatán.jfzc.9/i/2007©

La tequila

Extingue y quita la culpa
Hace olvidar
Suelta la lengua
Afloja las medias
Limpia las asperezas
Arregla corazones rotos
Acerca amigos
Hace olvidar el hambre
Fomenta relaciones románticas
Da calor
Hace compadres
Liga comadres
Cierra tratos
Abre puertas
Aumenta la alegría
Mata la tristeza
Eleva el espíritu
Causa gritos
Mejora la digestión
Mata las lombrices
Por eso y más...... ¡salud!
Aunque....... después de las 12 am:
Saca la belleza escondida
Paga más en el bar
Mueve calles, postes, chapas de puertas y escaleras
Abre cinturones, cierres y arranca botones
Baja pantaletas y chones
Disminuye el (ánimo)...
Causa dolor de cabeza y sed
Genera amnesia
Provoca llanto y recriminaciones
Entonces... ¿Un Tequilita?

de la red (y adaptado de la red) 8/xi/2005

Tequilología Rules (short verrsion)


1. Tequila is a social drinkdrink with others.

2. Share your wealth with compas and cuates.

3. Never take tequila from the gun.

4. Never be desperate for a tequila.

5. Chase your tequila with sangrita, if at all.

6. Experience good tequila, don't have a bad experience with it.

7. You will not throw away or waste any tequila.

8. No frozen or cold tequila.

9. You will slurp the tequila off the table if spilled.

10. You will sacrifice your dignity on behalf of tequilismo.

11. Tequilismo and tequilología are tequila culture.

12. Drink your tequila from a jarrito.

13. Not even on a bad day, will you drink bad tequila.

14. You will moderate your tequila intake.

15. No driving or have sex after more than 3 shots of tequila.

16. On a tequila tasting trip, no more than three shots, with food in between.

17. You will not chug good tequila.

18. No seizures after drinking el líquido de Dios.

19. Share bad tequila, but follow it up with a good one.

20. You can't order/touch/smell/taste a second shot before finishing the first one.

21. Training wheels are strictly forbidden with good tequila.

22. Follow these, and you are a tequilólogo/a.

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